Monday, 9 February 2009

The emotional thing and BDD...

...are just a couple of things I could write about right now.
Emotional, me, yup. I always put it down to the being latin thing, which only means we show more than the rest of the world, but then you get the online world....
there is now way of not getting emotional with such shows of affection, especially when affection come from people one admires, people one feels protective of, people one feels have known all one's life....
So I have been shedding a tear or two.

I got a phone call this morning, from one of the very (very) few people I actually allow to wake me up, my friend Peggy, who is just a few hours ahead of us...9 hours, to be more precise, in Australia.
Terrible thing, the fires, the destruction, the deaths....
And what enrages me the most is that the elites and governments do little to fix years, centuries of man kind wrecking the planet..... we had the floods in Brazil a couple of years ago, hills melting under the rain and bringing down with them the houses, the cars, the people...
last summer was Greece... but I have no spirit to get into a world saving rambling right now, lets get back to the point:
I met Peggy over @, a bit over a year ago, she mentioned she was coming over in summer, we exchanged mails, then phone numbers and, before you know it, this little hurricane of energy, intelligence and beauty in all senses is nestling in your heart. She inspires me and heals me, and is because of her that I gathered all my energy today and had another productive one.(almost finished, at 3.26 am)

And as a string of events that all led down to the emotional path, Sarita had to come back from school this week because her leg was hurting. Today they went ice skating, I know she didn't fall, but she asked me to write a note to the PE teacher because she had back pain, she couldn't bend over and was walking funny. I write the note, because I'm 90% sure she isn't lying, but I wish I was more suspicious that she was lying...
then I wouldn't be worried about the Multiple Sclerosis thing. (her father is a sufferer, I've been told that science knows little about the genetic possibilities, and that she is too young to get her through the testing)
Maybe she is just gonna get her period and then all these aches and pains will go.
Please God, do not let me down, I trust you.

And in this emotional predisposition, I decide to read my mail before sleeping.... (ha ha, as if!!!!, of course, that was at 10pm)
I scan through the freecycle emails, nothing really worth for us tonight, answer a couple of people, forward some funny stuff, forward some not so funny political stuff to the Brazilian crew and, last but not least, I start going through the (always pouring) SB notifications. And then I start the tearful thing.

I know it may seem silly for some, but I know some of you out there understand:
all these people, beautiful, talented people, inspirational people, funny people, lovable people, all these people bringing me all these beautiful words....I try to say thank you...
how do you get people miles and miles away from you to understand the dimension, the magnitude of their words, their presence in your everyday life?
I'm not sure I got that much a mastering of the English language, but I'm sure these women understand what I'm saying.
There is a guy too, this guy who is a bit of a me male version, Belge, married to an English woman, living in Spain...and he runs a radio channel....

I'm not full of goodness and sweetness as many may think though.
There are a couple of kids who really, really annoy me at SB (though I'm quiet sure it s the same kid in a different identity, there CANNOT exist 2 of such annoying little girls)

Something else caught my attention (and I really, really hope she isn't a sufferer because I have seen the condition and...but let me tell you) a SB posted by Gwendoline Kay, about Bipolar Disorder. Extremely informative, well designed, greatly done.
And then reminded me of my friends who are sufferers, and some other people who used to be friends but aren't, because of BPD.... also reminded me of the zillions of cases I saw working for Camden NHS Health Trust.
I was an interpreter, then I was a Health Advocate.
Then I started ..err mm.... (was gonna say hating but I'm trying to teach Sarita that *hate* is too big a word, so) disliking the youth of this country even more.
I do not deny the existence of conditions like BPD or ME, (and many other abbreviations), I have seen the reality of the conditions, but in this century, in this automated, *nanny state* lie of a world we live in, the amount of young (and not so young) people who uses conditions as such to give a posh name to laziness and get a place in full government welfare....

I know what I have, I got to the conclusion:
I, MesDammes et Monsieurs, I have BDD, the BiDOLLAR Disorder.
That is, in fact, simple: when the dollar is high, when I have the currency (oh well, it can be any really, but we all know the dollar rules the world...) when my pockets, wallet, bank account, card and tins of savings are full, I am in the euphoria of happiness, life is grand.
But then (and wouldn't you?) when the coffers are running low, I feel depressed and wanna sleep for days......
(joke, joke this does not agree with my Simple Abundance way of life, but I just thought it funny and also, one cannot deny it: makes sense)
OK then: I've done it, Peggy.
I came, I overcame my inertia and writer's block (though you couldn't really call this ramblings of mine a master piece of any kind) and I'm here, just because you lit my day this morning and because you reminded me that I can.

For you, the ones who are at SB, the ones who do know me, from wherever, for you I would love to have a word which describes the kind of love I feel, the kind of gratefulness inside my heart that makes me overcome every aching bone in my body to come and tell you so.
One day, perhaps, I will find the right words.


McMGrad89 said...

Good afternoon, lovely Mrs. Peel. I find myself trying to read this while I am calling on students for answers at the same time.

Yes, there is a direct correlation between the amount of money a person has at one moment and the mood they are feeling, for sure. This is not a unique situation. Even people of great wealth feel the same - thus the jumping out of windows on wall street during a crash.

Money gives us the means to be social and to meet our physical needs. For some reason we don't think we can socialize without having food or drinks which generally cost money. In Frameworks on Poverty by Ruby Payne, she addresses these issues. She also informs us that people have other resources that we usually don't think of that determine our "wealth." These include language, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, support systems, role model relationships, and the understanding of "hidden" rules." Without these resources we couldn't fully function in society. When we find ourselves floundering, it is sometimes better to look at improving some of these resources rather than financial resources.

I think you have done an excellent job of providing most these resources to Sarita and for yourself. You have surrounded yourself with friends (virtual as some may be) to lift you when you are down even if we can't be there to physically give you a hug. You know we want to.

miruspeg said...

Way to go Cynthia.
You express yourself beautifully.
I love your description of could also stand for:
Beautiful, Delightful, Delicious!

My computer has just been fixed by a wonderful guy working for Super Geek! He worked for hours on the computer and only charged me for 2 hours....some people just go the extra mile, I feel so blessed that these people often come into my life.

What fantastic feedback Annemarie wrote.....she always goes the extra mile!


Fly Girl said...

Hi Cynthia,

I certainly feel the mood shift when I have some extra cash and when I don't!

I continue to learn how to live on less, having taken pay cuts to work part-time and now to teach. It's still difficult.

For parents, I think it's tough in that we want to provide for some of our children's wants as well as their needs. When Hannah was little and would get a "treat" when out shopping, I always made her choose one thing. I'll never forget the time she couldn't decide which PEZ candy dispenser she wanted. I wouldn't let her have two (at about $1 each). She ended up not getting either one because she couldn't decide on a favorite! She was a tiny thing to be making such a big decision!

It sounds like you've created a warm home for you and Sarita. You should feel good about that!